But you look fine
That' the problem isn't it. It's a blessing and a curse. I had never heard of an invisible disability before and now I have one. I look just like I always have and while that is truly a blessing it also makes it difficult for those around me to understand how I feel and what is going on with me.
Some days when my back feels like I have been run over by a truck, I'm so dizzy I have to focus on where I put my feet, I feel like I'm going to throw up at any moment and my head feels like it's going to explode I'll catch sight of myself in the mirror and I can't believe what I'm seeing. My image looking back at me doesn't reflect how I'm really feeling inside. How can I look so "normal" and feel like I do.
No wonder those around me can't understand when I myself can't believe it. I hear "You look like you feeling much better" sometimes on my worst days and it's hard to contradict it or explain it.
"How are you?" becomes a loaded question. I hate to complain and I feel like I am somedays. I also hate to be dishonest too so this question becomes difficult to answer. It also depends who is asking. If it's a casual acquaintance I just say "fine thanks, and how are you". Because "how are you" is just a stock phrase that is used in the English language and only requires a stock answer.
But it is someone that knows what is going on with me then the answer has to be different. When I first started feeling unwell I didn't know how to answer this without being either fake or a complainer.
Now I have learned that the best way for me it to either say "Today is a good day" This lets them know that although I'm doing OK today, tomorrow might be different. If I'm having an off day I'll say " Today is not a great day for me" Most of the time people don't want the whole story anyway and I certainly don't want to tell it.
I don't like really sharing how I'm feeling with anyone. For one thing it has become a boring topic for me. Also it feels like if I give voice to all my ailments and complaints it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I feel worse if I think about all the negatives that are going on. So I don't really spend much time thinking about how I feel beyond which combination of meds and activities might give me relief for the day. I'm keeping a journal of my symptoms and how it affects the activities I can do in my day only because I might have to get an attorney in the spring to prove my ongoing long term disability claim. I hate this task-truly hate it. I dread it and put it off as long as possible.
I would much rather think about all the good things in my life. All the things I can do and will do. Think about fun things and good things, plans for the future and activities to come.
I think this is why the bonds I have formed with those of you out there that share my disorders are so special to me. I don't have to explain myself and how I am feeling. You already know. I don't know what I would have done without all of you this last year. It has been a God send to have friends to talk to and share with that are in the boat with me. I thank the Lord for all of you. If you are reading this, you know who you are! Gentle ((((hugs)))) to you :)
Some days when my back feels like I have been run over by a truck, I'm so dizzy I have to focus on where I put my feet, I feel like I'm going to throw up at any moment and my head feels like it's going to explode I'll catch sight of myself in the mirror and I can't believe what I'm seeing. My image looking back at me doesn't reflect how I'm really feeling inside. How can I look so "normal" and feel like I do.
No wonder those around me can't understand when I myself can't believe it. I hear "You look like you feeling much better" sometimes on my worst days and it's hard to contradict it or explain it.
"How are you?" becomes a loaded question. I hate to complain and I feel like I am somedays. I also hate to be dishonest too so this question becomes difficult to answer. It also depends who is asking. If it's a casual acquaintance I just say "fine thanks, and how are you". Because "how are you" is just a stock phrase that is used in the English language and only requires a stock answer.
But it is someone that knows what is going on with me then the answer has to be different. When I first started feeling unwell I didn't know how to answer this without being either fake or a complainer.
Now I have learned that the best way for me it to either say "Today is a good day" This lets them know that although I'm doing OK today, tomorrow might be different. If I'm having an off day I'll say " Today is not a great day for me" Most of the time people don't want the whole story anyway and I certainly don't want to tell it.
I don't like really sharing how I'm feeling with anyone. For one thing it has become a boring topic for me. Also it feels like if I give voice to all my ailments and complaints it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I feel worse if I think about all the negatives that are going on. So I don't really spend much time thinking about how I feel beyond which combination of meds and activities might give me relief for the day. I'm keeping a journal of my symptoms and how it affects the activities I can do in my day only because I might have to get an attorney in the spring to prove my ongoing long term disability claim. I hate this task-truly hate it. I dread it and put it off as long as possible.
I would much rather think about all the good things in my life. All the things I can do and will do. Think about fun things and good things, plans for the future and activities to come.
I think this is why the bonds I have formed with those of you out there that share my disorders are so special to me. I don't have to explain myself and how I am feeling. You already know. I don't know what I would have done without all of you this last year. It has been a God send to have friends to talk to and share with that are in the boat with me. I thank the Lord for all of you. If you are reading this, you know who you are! Gentle ((((hugs)))) to you :)